Mothering without a Map: Sacrifice

“Most every mother decides, again and again, what she’s willing to give her children and to give up on their behalf. And every mother eventually arrives at the charged concept of sacrifice. The word means to forfeit something highly valued for the sake of something of even greater value, which, to me, well describes the landscape of motherhood. Child-rearing is too difficult, exacting, demanding and complex and goes on for too long for it not to require sacrifice from the adults who have responsibility for children.” (p.228)

Source: Mothering Without a Map by Kathryn Black

Okay, so hands up who out there tends to think of sacrifice as merely the giving up of something and forgets the part where making a choice “for the sake of something of even greater value”? My hand is raised way high. In the past, when I have felt frustrated or deprived, because the responsibilities of parenting have meant canceling another event or giving up another activity, I would remind myself that this is the choice I’ve made, to be a mother. As the girls get a little older I feel the sense of deprivation less. Either I’ve gotten used to the situation or I’ve become more content with the balance I’ve struck between my needs and the needs of my family.

I do notice that my expectations are fewer. Caring for children certainly keeps life real and, five years into my own experience, I feel I have a more realistic sense of just what is possible, and what I truly want and value, at this point in my life.

A long time ago, even before my life with children, I recognized that it is possible to have it all, just not all at the same time. With children, I can still have a list of goal or dreams and I can work towards them. It just may take a little (or a lot) longer than if I had no children along for the ride. And when I find myself feeling a little frustrated at the sacrifice I will try hard to remember that I have made a choice and I am forfeiting something highly valued, at the moment, “for the sake of something of even greater value”:

-A strong, connected relationship with my husband
-Happy, healthy children who are energetic, curious, kind, generous and well-mannered
-A community of friends, who support, encourage and inspire me, and share some laughs along the way
(-And preferably some time for books.)