Negotiating Our (Little) World Peace

Exhibit A: Blue Ballerina

Exhibit B: Yellow Hampster

It was 8:40am and I felt like I’d just help negotiate world peace.

Parties Involved: Ashley, Caitlin, Eliza and Moi

Issue on the Table: Who should own the ballerina cake top?

Background Information: Ashley went out with Pauline yesterday evening to celebrate her birthday. Part of the celebration involved going for a birthday cupcake with aforementioned ballerina residing on said birthday cupcake. Ashley chose two more ballerinas to bring home. One for Caitlin and one for Eliza (who was having a sleepover). Ashley’s ballerina was blue and the other two she chose for Caitlin and Eliza were pink “so that they wouldn’t fight over them" [Note: future World Peace Negotiator in the making-it must be in the genes!] When Ashley returned home and proffered her gifts, Caitlin and Eliza were under excited about the prospect of having the same toy.

Pivotal Moment: Ashley gave her blue ballerina to Eliza [Future Mother Teresa in the making. Unless she plans on taking vows, I hope not for her sake.]

All was right in their little world of pink and blue ballerinas. Until this morning…

Essence of Dispute: Eliza traded the blue ballerina to Caitlin. Having the ballerina return to our family’s possession without Ashley being the possessor was too much for Ashley to bear.

Result #1: Copious tears of older sister at breakfast followed by forceful removal of blue ballerina from younger sisters hand by said older sister.

What this Means: World War III had officially begun.

Factors Indicating Possible Successful Outcome of Situation: World class negotiator on site and all parties willing to come back to the (breakfast) table to talk with only minor coaxing.

Essence of the Recantangular Table Talks: Each party shared their version of what took place (as outlined in sections: Background Information, Pivotal Moment and Essence of Dispute) . Each party offered suggestions for resolution:
Ashley’s suggestion: “I keep the blue ballerina”.
Caitlin’s suggestion: “I keep the blue ballerina”.
Eliza’s suggestion: “Because you are in the same family you could both share the blue and the pink ballerina.” [Note: Unknowingly, this third party just became the chief negotiator’s ally!]

Points of Clarity Offered by Chief Negotiator:
Ashley gave away the blue ballerina although she really wanted to keep it. Ashley was being very generous and at the same time not honoring what she really wanted. This is not the first time a large act of generosity at expense of her strong desires has resulted in heartbreak for Ashley.

Caitlin is a caring and generous sister. When she has time to think about a situation like this she will often show compassion for her sister’s feelings and forgiveness of the mistake Ashley made in decision making.

At this point negotiations stalled!!!

Emergency Action Taken by Chief Negotiator: Private talk requested with Caitlin. Attempts were made to elicit empathy for Ashley’s situation.

Surprising Discovery: In attempts to put herself in her sister’s position Caitlin showed remarkable powers of deduction and completely changed the direction of negotiations. Chief Negotiator left in awe. Caitlin reminded Ashley that many, many, many moons ago and not forgotten, an almost mirror image of the current dispute took place with Caitlin as the injured party. Caitlin very generously gave her yellow take-a-part-eraser hampster to Isabella. Later Isabella traded the yellow hampster to Ashley. Having the hampster return to our family’s possession without Caitlin being the possessor was too much for Caitlin to bear.

Outcome of Previous Mirror Image Scenario: Caitlin had to live with her decision despite the deep regret which she has regularly brought to the table since. Caitlin’s experience had previously been used as a model for both giving more thought before giving away treasured items and living with regret.

At this point negotiations had reached a lull. All parties had at this point moved to the bottom of the stairs where everyone sat and quietly contemplated the situation.

New Proposal: Caitlin offered the possible solution that Ashley trade her the yellow hampster for the blue ballerina. (Sheer brilliance of problem solving on her part and the possibility of resolving two deeply felt problems in one fell swoop.)

Outcome of Proposal: Ashley thought about the situation for all of 30 seconds. Take-apart-erasers being the equivalent of gold in her trading world, Caitlin’s offer was rejected.

Conclusion: Approximately 5 seconds after the rejection of Caitlin’s offer, Caitlin and Eliza suggested that they all go play with the ballerinas instead of talking about them. Ashley shrugged and said “sure”. Everyone  squealed in delight and ran happily upstairs to play.

Negotiators Closing Remarks: While neither the blue ballerina, nor the yellow hampster, returned to the original owners, all parties seem to have accepted the final result. While the blue ballerina will likely be a transient issue, it is possible that the much deeper held resentments over the yellow hampster may have been resolved today. It is felt progress was made. Transient issues will inevitably crop up but when a much deeper animosity is finally chipped away at then it is a good day for World Peace (at least in our little world!).