Backward, turn backward, O Time, in your flight
Make me a child again just for to-night!
-Elizabeth Akers Allen

A couple of weeks later here they are, photos from Halloween. At the moment our family is enjoying Laura Ingalls Wilder's Little House on the Prairie. We've been watching the TV series together on DVDs from Netflix and we are loving them. As a boy, and possibly having two brothers and no sisters, James didn't read the books or watch the series. He seemed somewhat indifferent when the first DVD arrived. We watched a few episodes as a family and then, while James was working on his computer one afternoon I mentioned that the girls and I were going to watch an episode. He stopped typing, paused and then looked at me and said, "if you wait five minutes I'll join you." And with that we knew he was hooked!

That was the birth of our family's plan to dress up as the Ingalls. I had so much fun making Ashley's and Caitlin's costumes, and they had fun including Ethan. They insisted that he should be the little sister Carrie. We shall see how many years Ethan will be subjected to his sister's whims.

This year the girls learned about the Switch Witch from a friend. She flies around on Halloween night looking for candy. If you leave candy for her she switches it for a gift. Ashley and Caitlin eagerly sorted through their candy and left some in the their pumpkin buckets overnight on the back deck. Lo and behold the next morning the candy was gone and each girl received a pair of gloves and a beanie baby ghost in exchange.

Click on the link below to see other photos from Halloween, which started with Trick-or-Treating at James' office, continued on our new block and finished on our old block.

Halloween 2009

Even with baby number 3 I'm still finding time to read. 

January 2009 

1. Neal Stephenson: The Diamond Age
2. Cheryl Richardson: The Art of Extreme Self-Care
3. Luis Alberto Urrea: The Hummingbird's Daughter

February 2009

4. Adolfo Anaya: Bless Me Ultima
5. Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish: Siblings Without Rivalry
6. Barbara Kingsolver: Prodigal Summer
7. Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
8. Barbara Kingsolver: Animal, Vegetable, Miracle

March 2009

9. Barbara Kingsolver: Animal Dreams
10. John Steinbeck: Travels with Charley
11. Cecelia Ahern: The Gift
12. Elizabeth Soutter Schwarzer: Motherhood is not for Wimps
13. Richard Russo: Empire Falls

April 2009

14. Patrick Taylor: An Irish Country Doctor
15. Rory Stewart: The Spaces in Between
16. Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn: Everday Blessings-The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting

With the Arrival of Ethan in the middle of April my reading slowed down a little but what I've been reading I've been enjoying (except for Rory Stewart's The Spaces in Between). I found it a tedious read and felt that his presentation of the men of Afghanistan lacked dimension and I tired of all the testosterone and aggression that he described. He did not seem to truly penetrate this society of men on a personal level and it came across that he didn't really try. He is obviously well read but I felt he was showcasing this more than purely providing historical context. Most of our bookclub reported that they too didn't like it and many felt he was exploiting the people he wrote about.

May 2009

17. Matthew Pearl: The Dante Club
18. Michael Pollan: The Omnivore's Dilemma
19. Josie Bissett (Ed.): Little Bits of Wisdom: A Collection of Tips and Advice from Real Parents

June 2009

20. Michael Pollan: In Defense of Food
21. Harper Lee: To Kill a Mockingbird
22. Sal Severe: How to Behave So You're Preschooler Will Too!

July 2009

23. Tamora Pierce: Alanna The First Adventure
24. Juliette Fay: Shelter Me
25. Tim LaHaye & Jerry B. Jenkins: Left Behind
26. Tim LaHaye & Jerry B. Jenkins: Trubulation Force

August 2009

27. Tim LaHaye & Jerry B. Jenkins: Nicolae: the Rise of the Antichrist
28. Marc Weissbluth: Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child
29. Eric Fromm: The Art of Loving

September 2009

30. Tamora Pierce: In the Hand of the Goddess
31. Alan Bennett: An Uncommon Reader
32. Tamora Pierce: The Woman Who Rides Like a Man

October 2009

33. Tamora Pierce: Lioness Rampant
34. Alan Paton: Cry, the Beloved Country

Currently-November

Linda Berdoll: Mr Darcy Takes a Wife
Tim LaHaye & Jerry B. Jenkins: Soul Harvest

I'm absolutely loving Mr Darcy Takes a Wife. Usually I don't even consider sequels that are not written by the original author. However, a friend recommended this and based on her rave I took a chance. Wow! This is a racy sequel taking place after the wedding of Elizabeth Bennet and Mr Darcy. It is very readable, humorous at times and well written (though occasionaly overwritten and unnecesarily wordy). However I'm enjoying it immensely and forgiving of the writing flaws. Berdoll captures the characters from Austen's novel very well and continues the story in a very believable manner. As for Soul Harvest, I've been slowly working my way through this for a couple of months. I'm running out of steam with this series that started off really well.

I've just had a very inspiring Scrapbook gathering at my house this morning. Everytime I gather with likeminded women I come away fueled with ideas that I can't wait to apply to what I'm doing. Today I had the added bonus of getting to know a woman whose daughter is in Caitlin's Kindergarten class. She too keeps a blog. She uses Word Press on her Mac and Adobe Lightroom 2 to organize and edit her photos. I had an interesting conversation with her and Barb, who uses Memory Manager by Creative Memories to store her photos on her PC. I use Picassa on my PC but I'm considering moving to a Mac. We discussed storing photos, digital scrapbooking and then using blogs to capture the little moments in life.

I came away from the conversation inspired to rethink how I'm using (or not using) my blog. This other woman shared with me how she manages to incorporate writing blog entries into her busy day with two children and a part-time profession outside her home. I still think of blogging as journaling. I often want to spend a lot of time crafting my entry, thinking about the content in a very reflective manner. And then I want to add photos or images. Life with three children does not facilitate that kind of entry on a regular basis, not if I want to spend time with my children, my husband, getting things done around the house or engaging in activites like spending time with friends, reading, scrapbooking, sewing, attending field trips or school activities or petitioning school boards

She keeps her laptop in her kitchen, with her blog open and writes in frequent short bursts throughout the day when she has a few moments. She doesn't add photos immediately because she wants to get the text down and out to share with family and friends. Sometimes she adds links to photos in a web album if she has them uploaded but no time to extract an image to add to her blog.

So today I have an entry here. I miss my blog. I miss capturing the day to day moments and interactions that add up to our life. I miss keeping a record here of how the children are developing. I'll see what evolves. In the meantime:

Ethan is sleeping nearly 12 hours at night, has some wake ups during that time some nights. With daylight savings he has been awake earlier this week and we are trying to help him adjust bit by bit dragging out the time he gets his morning feed. James has now taken over seeing to Ethan during then night. He gets upset if I interact with him. He probably associates me too much with food!

He started bopping his head this week. I bought Sting's new Winter album at the weekend and Ethan seems to have started bopping to that. Then yesterday my friend Rosemary came around to watch him while I caught up on a few things here. Ethan has a musical worm and Rosemary informed me that when he held it sitting in his little chair she enjoyed watching him bop his head to the music. Definitely has his daddy's genes.

And this week he is pushing himself backwards more as he attempts to go forward. I love thinking back of Ashley and Caitlin at this stage and how frustrated they would get at going in the opposite direction to their intention. He's also rolling around more as a means to get where he wants to go.

He loves holding his little plastic spoons, even when he's not eating. He took one trick-or-treating. I didn't even notice he was still holdng it until we were out on the street. (He's getting better at holding things he likes for longer periods too!)

And the joy he experiences around his sisters is just a delight to witness. Ashley plays with him gently, will often escalate the pitch of her voice with lots of arm waving and make him giggle. In the car she closes her eyes and rests her head on her shoulder and then "wakes up" and say something cheery like "hello Ethan" causing him to emit a burst of laughter that makes me melt as I drive. They will engage like this over and over, neither running out of steam. Caitlin is still more energetic loves to jump on him and pull a limb, whether he is lying down or in my arms. She'll then loundly say something like, Boo! or "Ethan, Ethan" and he will just chortle away every time. I try to ask her to be gentler with him but it's hard to convince her when Ethan is so obviously loving the "game". Ethan is a very lucky little boy to have such entertaining sisters.

Well time to go get him, he's been sliding around backwards on the hardwood floor in his sleeper suit. He's gone behind the kitchen counter where I can no longer see him. Time to take a peek and see what he's up to.

Here we are. We are not lost.

It feels good to be back writing a post for my blog after so long. I've missed it. So, the reason for so much silence this summer:

Our New Home

We've been looking for a new house since Ethan was born, wanting to stay in our area, near our wonderful community of friends and neighbors and close to our excellent school. While James' parents were visiting for Ethan's birth they offered to buy our house and move over from Ireland. We were thrilled to have them in Seattle and wanted the new house to be near them too. In June I saw this large craftsman-style house under construction three blocks from our old house and the excitement started. We spent the better part of July negotiating the sale and packing, and then finally moved in mid-August.

Ethan helping with the laundry in our new house

With Ethan's presence being so new, and anticipating the start of a new school year with Caitlin starting Kindergarten and Ashley entering second grade, I wanted to be as settled as possible before September. James and I have nearly all our boxes unpacked (only his office left as he's in thinking and planning mode at the moment) and we've even hung our favorite pieces of art. We still have some furniture to buy but already it feels like we've been here longer than the two months it really is.

School is in full swing again. September has been survived and also, surprisingly enough, enjoyed in many parts. The start of the year is always been rough as the girls adjust to a new school year and build up their tolerance to exhausting long days. With Caitlin starting Kindergarten, the shift to full days was challenging but she did really well. She's practically an old pro now, having two years of experience watching Ashley navigate elementary school.

Caitlin and Ashley on the First Day of School 2009

James and Ethan returnng from drop off on the first day of school

An so October is here and we anticipate Grandma and Granddad arriving from Ireland, hopefully soon. The departure date from Ireland continually shifts as they handle the sale of their house in Dublin and brave the immigration process as Ian endeavours to get his green card sorted out. Being married 40+ years to an American citizen doesn't make the process go any quicker unfortunately.

The holiday season is ramping up here in the States. Halloween this month (oh, how I miss bonfires), Thanksgiving next month (and we have much to be thankful for this year) and then Christmas in December. We sure hope Ian and Janet can join us for some of the fun to come.

It feels good to move from surviving to celebrating. And it's great to be back. 

Exhibit A: Blue Ballerina

Exhibit B: Yellow Hampster

It was 8:40am and I felt like I’d just help negotiate world peace.

Parties Involved: Ashley, Caitlin, Eliza and Moi

Issue on the Table: Who should own the ballerina cake top?

Background Information: Ashley went out with Pauline yesterday evening to celebrate her birthday. Part of the celebration involved going for a birthday cupcake with aforementioned ballerina residing on said birthday cupcake. Ashley chose two more ballerinas to bring home. One for Caitlin and one for Eliza (who was having a sleepover). Ashley’s ballerina was blue and the other two she chose for Caitlin and Eliza were pink “so that they wouldn’t fight over them" [Note: future World Peace Negotiator in the making-it must be in the genes!] When Ashley returned home and proffered her gifts, Caitlin and Eliza were under excited about the prospect of having the same toy.

Pivotal Moment: Ashley gave her blue ballerina to Eliza [Future Mother Teresa in the making. Unless she plans on taking vows, I hope not for her sake.]

All was right in their little world of pink and blue ballerinas. Until this morning…

Essence of Dispute: Eliza traded the blue ballerina to Caitlin. Having the ballerina return to our family’s possession without Ashley being the possessor was too much for Ashley to bear.

Result #1: Copious tears of older sister at breakfast followed by forceful removal of blue ballerina from younger sisters hand by said older sister.

What this Means: World War III had officially begun.

Factors Indicating Possible Successful Outcome of Situation: World class negotiator on site and all parties willing to come back to the (breakfast) table to talk with only minor coaxing.

Essence of the Recantangular Table Talks: Each party shared their version of what took place (as outlined in sections: Background Information, Pivotal Moment and Essence of Dispute) . Each party offered suggestions for resolution:
Ashley’s suggestion: “I keep the blue ballerina”.
Caitlin’s suggestion: “I keep the blue ballerina”.
Eliza’s suggestion: “Because you are in the same family you could both share the blue and the pink ballerina.” [Note: Unknowingly, this third party just became the chief negotiator’s ally!]

Points of Clarity Offered by Chief Negotiator:
Ashley gave away the blue ballerina although she really wanted to keep it. Ashley was being very generous and at the same time not honoring what she really wanted. This is not the first time a large act of generosity at expense of her strong desires has resulted in heartbreak for Ashley.

Caitlin is a caring and generous sister. When she has time to think about a situation like this she will often show compassion for her sister’s feelings and forgiveness of the mistake Ashley made in decision making.

At this point negotiations stalled!!!

Emergency Action Taken by Chief Negotiator: Private talk requested with Caitlin. Attempts were made to elicit empathy for Ashley’s situation.

Surprising Discovery: In attempts to put herself in her sister’s position Caitlin showed remarkable powers of deduction and completely changed the direction of negotiations. Chief Negotiator left in awe. Caitlin reminded Ashley that many, many, many moons ago and not forgotten, an almost mirror image of the current dispute took place with Caitlin as the injured party. Caitlin very generously gave her yellow take-a-part-eraser hampster to Isabella. Later Isabella traded the yellow hampster to Ashley. Having the hampster return to our family’s possession without Caitlin being the possessor was too much for Caitlin to bear.

Outcome of Previous Mirror Image Scenario: Caitlin had to live with her decision despite the deep regret which she has regularly brought to the table since. Caitlin’s experience had previously been used as a model for both giving more thought before giving away treasured items and living with regret.

At this point negotiations had reached a lull. All parties had at this point moved to the bottom of the stairs where everyone sat and quietly contemplated the situation.

New Proposal: Caitlin offered the possible solution that Ashley trade her the yellow hampster for the blue ballerina. (Sheer brilliance of problem solving on her part and the possibility of resolving two deeply felt problems in one fell swoop.)

Outcome of Proposal: Ashley thought about the situation for all of 30 seconds. Take-apart-erasers being the equivalent of gold in her trading world, Caitlin’s offer was rejected.

Conclusion: Approximately 5 seconds after the rejection of Caitlin’s offer, Caitlin and Eliza suggested that they all go play with the ballerinas instead of talking about them. Ashley shrugged and said “sure”. Everyone  squealed in delight and ran happily upstairs to play.

Negotiators Closing Remarks: While neither the blue ballerina, nor the yellow hampster, returned to the original owners, all parties seem to have accepted the final result. While the blue ballerina will likely be a transient issue, it is possible that the much deeper held resentments over the yellow hampster may have been resolved today. It is felt progress was made. Transient issues will inevitably crop up but when a much deeper animosity is finally chipped away at then it is a good day for World Peace (at least in our little world!).

The other evening I was sitting on the bathroom floor with Ethan in his baby bath. Ashley and Caitlin had already taken their baths. Caitlin and Ashley helped bathe Ethan but Caitlin soon lost interest and wandered off to play. As Ashley and I sat on the floor both bathing and playing with Ethan we heard Caitlin run past the open bathroom door and then we heard a thud. With my peripheral vision I saw Caitlin cross back past the door and a few moments later she ran by again and again we heard a thud. This continued another couple of times and finally curiosity led me to the following little exchange:

Me: "Caitlin, what are you doing?"

Caitlin: "Trying to fly."

Me: "How's that working out for you?"

Caitlin: "Not very well."

Caitlin then stopped at the doorway for a moment, using both hands to smooth out her ruffled hair, she smiled at me and then walked out of sight. Two seconds later I heard her dash past the door again and once again heard that thud. Ashley and I just looked at each other and grinned. 

Hosted by Barbara, here.

Hosted by Barbara, here.

Have you ever had one of those days when you realize that there is zero glamour in your job? This afternoon, snuggling in the sun on the sofa with Ethan, nursing him and preparing him for his late afternoon nap, Ethan made the familiar bodily sounds that indicate time to quickly change his nappy. Before I picked him up I checked the nappy openings on each leg to make sure that all was contained. Feeling confident of containment I lifted him up from my lap, head cradled in one arm and feet in the other. As I lay him in his bassinet to change him I felt something drip on my foot. Surprised I looked down. Those of you with any knowledge of the bowel movements of 3 month olds will be aware that defecation is a very liquid affair. Sure enough I’d received my own personal badge of courage right on my instep. I had neglected to contain the escape route at the waist! I quickly reached for some wipes for a fast cleanup before dealing with Ethan. As I cleaned my foot and wiped my stain-resistant khakis (thank goodness for REI) I thought about how I should wear a little black number on a regular basis, with something sparkly to liven it up. Otherwise there is no glamour here. Just then I looked at two very sparkly blue gems shining up at me. My trousers and foot were forgotten for the moment, and I knew. This is my treasure.

Ethan always looks this happy when I place him in the bassinet to change his nappy.

Hosted by Barbara, here.

Following my review of August Rush yesterday I thought it would be fun to share some images of Ashley discovering the guitar. Last summer we went to a birthday party where our friend Christian brought his guitar. We had a great time listening to him play and singing Beattles songs with him. He gave Ashley some pointers and generously let her play with his guitar (remember she was only five at the time). Well she was overjoyed and played for such a long time, discovering the sounds she could create. Although we had heard Christian play his guitar before this was the occassion where it clicked for her. Since then she has talked about getting a guitar consistently enough that this year at the Solstice Festival in Fremont we bought her and Caitlin small children's guitars. The girls love them.

Watching August Rush last week has really inspired her and we are now thinking of signing her up for lessons. We've known for a couple of years that she is very musical and seems to have a great deal of natural ability. She also has a beautiful voice (which you can read more about here). We have hestitated to sign her up for anything until now, thinking she was a little young. But we think she's ready and more importantly, so does she :) Watch this space...

 Some images of Ashley and her music:

A collage I created of Ashley discovering the guitar with Christian (created using Creative Memories StoryBook Creator Plus, a package I thoroughly enjoy using for creating digital scrapbooks...and now collages)

Ashley's guitar blister following her session with Christian last summer

Ashley and Caitlin with their new guitars (and cases) and their new dresses from Grandma. All purchased at the Solstice Festival in Fremont last month.

Ashley's first drum lesson with Christian August 2003 (age 1yr)

Ashley's first piano lesson with Christian March 2003 (age 7mths)

A few months back James and I watched a film called August Rush. We loved the story about a young boy who hears music all around him and believes that if he follows the music it will lead him to his parents from whom he was separated as a baby. He runs away from the boys’ home where he grew up and heads to New York where alone and penniless he discovers his genius for music.

As soon as the film ended we both thought that the story would appeal to the girls. We hesitated these last few months because there are some potentially distressing aspects for the children. However, we finally decided to watch it with them last weekend. We had to give them a summary of the movie before hand so that they knew all would turn out well. We also had to pause the film at various times throughout to help explain some of the plot details to them. They really enjoyed the film and were very inspired by the August’s musical talent. A great deal of this talent revolves around guitar playing (though his genius involves all music). We felt that this was the part that they would strongly connect with because guitar playing has been an interest for them for a while now. Last summer Ashley discovered a great deal about guitar playing from our friend Christian and during the Solstice festival here in Seattle last month we bought both girls little starter guitars to just play around with. As we watched it was obvious that both Ashley and Caitlin loved the inspiring story but Ashley was completely entranced by August and his talent.  She pulled out her little guitar and strummed and tapped along to the film. We are now thinking of signing the girls up for lessons. We think lessons would probably be more appropriate for Ashley given her age and attention span but Caitlin is interested too. So we are considering just signing them both up and seeing what happens.

(Spoiler alert!)
Back to the film’s content and how to judge the appropriateness for your own children or children you might view it with.

Firstly, although Ashley is six and Caitlin is five, they both know the basic facts of life. So although they don’t see any sex in the film they understand that August’s parents made a baby the one night they spent together in New York when they were drawn together by music.

Secondly, because of various fairy tales we’ve encountered, we have discussed the theme of some parents not wanting their children to do certain things or marry certain people. We discuss how: parents want the best for their children; some parents can feel that some activities or some people are not going to be the best for their children; sometimes these parents try to prevent their children for doing the thing or marrying the person. In this story August’s mother is a talented Julliard graduate who plays the cello and his father is a talented guitar player/singer in a band. August’s grandfather separates Augusts parents and then, following an accident in late pregnancy, tells his daughter the baby died and puts August up for adoption fearing a baby would prevent her from achieving her full potential. Also, August’s father doesn’t even know he exists.

Thirdly, Robin William plays a Fagan-like character (from Oliver Twist) who is himself a musician and takes August under his wing. He teaches him all he knows about music while allowing him to stay at the condemned theatre he controls, where other musical homeless children live and work for him busking on the streets of New York. He seems fond of August but ultimately is mean and somewhat menacing and wants to exploit August’s talent. If your children are familiar with Disney movies they will already have come across villains from whom the hero of the story eventually escapes or ultimately defeats. This is a good opportunity to discuss tricky people with children.

Okay, so lots of heavy life drama here and you may be wondering how this can be appropriate for young children. Well, you have to watch it first yourself to realize that a lot of this plot is very deftly presented. Its presentation may be confusing to children who probably won’t really understand, which is the perfect time to give them very simple but truthful explanations like some I described above. The music is so inspiring, and August’s search to unite his family so captivating, that this is what our girls really focused on.

I recommend that you watch this film first if you want younger children to see it and decide if it’s right for your family. Even if this wouldn’t work for your younger children, be prepared to be inspired yourself.

I don't get the opportunity to hang out with friends much these days. Whenever the girls are off from school it is harder to get good quality adult time with other grown-ups. Today the stars aligned (as did the sun following three grey days here in Seattle). I had a lovely time catching up with Pauline while she caught up on snuggle time with Ethan. And yes, it was as wonderful as it looks!

I just popped over to catch up on what’s happening with Chris at Notes From the Trenches and seems that at the moment we are living parallel lives. Only a few hours ago my 5yr old daughter drew a little picture of me, wrote "Mum" underneath, followed by the letters COUMNK in her best five year old writing. She then scribbled out the picture and told me her writing said "Mum I hate you". I could really share Chris’s pain. Actually, inside I laughed it off, empathized that she seemed really mad and encouraged her to tear it up and stomp all over it. She still was mad but then asked, "Can I go out to play?" I told her yes and she headed for the stairs. From the top she breezily called back to me, "I guess it didn't say I hate you" and smiled. All I could do was smile back and say, "I love you too." Do you think it will all sort itself out this easily a decade from now??? I live in hope. After seeing Chris’s post I wish now I'd taken a picture of the hate note  too...

This was the quotation on the anniversary card that I received from James this week. I've included the image on the card too because I love it and I was so pleased to receive this. James knows me so well! I try to live my life with a vision of what is important overall and then use this to decide where to focus my energies on a daily basis. Some days I'm more successful than others and that is Life. I also find that over time the vision changes, mostly in subtle ways, but sometimes we are faced with moments when we have to look at our vision and make decisions that have a greater impact on our lives either because the vision is clearer or has drastically changed and now we must act accordingly in the present. Like when James and I made the decision to have Ethan. We had always had a vision of three children but for various reasons we left a long gap after Caitlin and finally felt compelled to decide whether to go ahead with a third child or just stop. Our vision informed our decision. We see ourselves older with more than two grown children around us. So now we have Ethan. The quality of what that life is like in our vision is what dictates how we parent and how we live our lives now. We don't always agree and some of the finer details of the vision require tweaking over the years to come. But with a core idea of where we're going, we are more likely to get there. Ironing out the details will be part of the day to day fun we'll have with our growing family over the coming years.

Image Credit: www.amberlotus.com

While snuggling in bed with Ashley the other night, she pointed to a tiny little bruise on my left thigh and asked what it was. As I looked at the little bruise I felt a rush of delight. I hadn’t noticed it and haven’t seen one for a few weeks. It’s what I call a “baby bruise”. These little bruises have appeared on my thighs with each of my children during their babyhood. As I lie curled up in bed nursing, each of my children has curled up beside me and pressed their little toes into my thighs. It is the “big” toe on their tiny feet that leaves the sweetest little bruises a body has ever received. Ashley was thrilled to learn of these. As she pressed her bigger big toe into my thighs to see if she could create similar bruises I had to explain that her toes are no longer small enough to poke in a way that leaves those tiny bruises. Her toes are bigger now and the pressure more diffuse across their surfaces. My children's ability to make these treasured bruises may pass but the memory of their fleeting existence remains.

I love the dawn. Having a new infant in our bed these last couple of months has meant that I am experiencing the dawn a lot more again. And I am grateful. As I lie in bed and nurse Ethan I listen to the birds welcome the day and I watch the light change in the room as the sun slowly creeps across the ceiling. I think about how I will miss this when he is older, as I did when these dawn feedings ended with Ashley and Caitlin.

When James and I decided to share our bed with our babies way back in 2002 when Ashley was born I hadn’t realized that it would have such a huge impact on our parenting, form the reduction in sleep disturbance to the opportunities to strongly bond with our babies during the night. Having our babies in our bed for nighttime nursing means merely adjusting the baby beside me so that s/he can latch on. In the first few weeks with Ethan I repeated the process: I changed nappies and burped him until night time poos ended and he could comfortably go back to sleep without being burped. After that when I set up the latch for nursing I usually just doze off again and then readjust when he finishes nursing. Of course the sleep deprivation is huge the first few weeks. But whatever sleep deprivation we experienced was minimized by not needing to climb out of bed to retrieve a crying infant, carry out the nighttime feeding and changing ritual, and then resettle the baby and ourselves.

This time around James and I agreed before we decided to have Ethan that I would take over the all the nighttime care. James shared the load with Ashley and Caitlin, but for him the effects of sleep deprivation are almost instantly in evidence, while it takes a lot longer for me to experience them. We figured that James needs to function during the day to hold down his job and that I could catch up on sleep with naps while the girls were at school in the mornings, and at weekends when James is home. And this we sort of stuck to before the final week of school and this first couple of weeks of school vacation. We will have to reassess how I catch up on my naps now that the girls are home 24/7.

As well as reducing the nighttime disturbance, sharing our bed with Ethan means that on those mornings when I finish nursing at the break of day, and Ethan has woken from his sleep, I enjoy the experiencing of lying there with him, gazing calmly into his eyes while I gently stroke his head and watch him quietly drift off back to sleep. His softness, the stillness, the sound of his breathing echoed in James breathing beside him, and the knowledge of our girls in the next room, adds to a sense of connection with my family that words cannot begin to describe. These dawn moments will eventually end but not yet. Not yet.

Related Post:

On the Plus Side is the Dawn

With the 4th of July on Saturday this year James had this Friday off. We were able to enjoy a great family day together, which included trading Pokemon cards (more on that later) and watching two family films together. We started by taking a family trip to the cinema to see the recently released film ‘Up’ by Disney’s Pixar company. Several of our friends had seen it and we heard that it was good and child friendly. (Spoiler alert!) The only concern I’d heard was about the start of the movie when there is a quick montage summarizing the life of the old man who is the main character in the story. As part of the montage, his wife Ellie dies and I’d been warned that it had left a friend’s children in tears. So we briefed the girls.  It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be for them. Ashley and I shed tears. Caitlin thought it wasn’t sad (!).

(Spoiler alert!) What we weren’t expecting were some scary chase scenes (for them) involving a pack of dogs that chase the beloved lead characters. There is also an ongoing ‘pursuit with intent to hurt’ scene involving a villain and said beloved leads. Afterwards the girls said that although they had been scared they liked the film. James and I thought that it had a strong start with good humor but then it lost it’s momentum an story quality. I particularly thought that the later story with a fallen hero turned villain hunting rare bird and attempting to kill childhood fan/now old man who tries to stop him could easily have been a more rewarding plot. How about: fallen hero joins with childhood fan/now old man and together search/document photograph rare bird and return to civilization with their findings? Some other more inspiring plot rather than the one that dashes the hero element and scares younger viewers.

Our second film we watched together snuggled on our sofa at home. Thanks to Lorna’s suggestion we had a very enjoyable viewing experience with Flushed Away. (Great suggestion Lorna!)

Thanks to those of you who responded with feedback on the Friday Family Film post recently (either by commenting on the blog or by email). I now have a tentative list of movies for the rest of our Friday Films this summer, subject to change, whether just switching dates or swopping out movies as the urge (and availability through Netflix and the Library) dictates:

Kung Fu Panda
Ice Age: Meltdown
The Land Before Time
Madagascar 2
Jonah: A Veggie Tales Movie
UP
Flushed Away
Barbie Presents Thumbelina
August Rush
Ice Age
The Tale of Despereaux
Racing Stripes
Heidi
Shrek
Barbie Presents A Christmas Carol

Related Post:

Friday Family Films

Hosted by Barbara, here.

Summer is here and, as part of our summer tradition which started two summers ago, we watch a movie on Fridays. For the last two summers these movies took place during the day and sometimes we invited Ashley's and Caitlin's friends. The Friday film continued after last summer and became a regular after school activity on Fridays when we decided to reduce screen time for the girls. (Neither of them watch TV per se. They watch videos or DVDs that we own, or borrow from the library or from friends.) Over the sutumn and winter the girls rewatched a lot of their favorite movies or animated programmes, and discovered so new films, like 'Tinkerbell' or 'Veggie Tales: The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything.' 

This summer we started our Summer Friday Films the last week in May. However, this year we've been waiting for James to come home in the evening so that he can share in what we now call our Friday Family Film. It feels very satisfying to sit together and snuggle as we watch a movie together. It was particularly bonding when we watched The Land Before Time, which initially turned out to be very sad for Ashley and Caitlin when the baby dinosaur Littlefoot's mother dies early in the movie. The girl sobbed and James and I began to wonder about whether this film was a good choice for their age (the death of the mother theme is particularly hard for little ones). When we asked the girls if they'd like to stop the movie they were adamant that they wanted to see what happens. However, shortly after this, the reappearance of a T-Rex trying to kill Littlefoot an his young dinosaur friends was just too much. While both girls were scared, they reacted differently to it. Caitlin wanted to find out what happens and Ashley just wanted to stop the film. We went with our standard policy: If a family member is scared and wants to stop then we turn it off. We watched Ice Age: Meltdown instead and that was much better for them. It is at times like these that I am grateful that we make a point of watching films/programmes with them at least the first time. It really helps when something scary or confusing occurs. Then we can turn it off or answer questions as needed.

However, we did let Caitlin watch it with supervision when Ashley wasn't around. With Caitlin's reassurance that all turns out well in the end, Ashley felt braver and wanted to watch the rest of the film. Once they had each seen it through once, they were no longer fearful of its contents. It continues to fascinate me how keen they are to follow through on something even if it is scary and how comforted, and muched braver, they are once they have reassurance that all will turn out okay.

So we continue with our summer films. So far this summer we have watched:

Othe Choices for this summer:
The Velveteen Rabbit
Heidi
The Tale of Despereaux
The Tales of Beatrix Potter
Thumbelina
Chrysanthemum

We need another 6 and I am currently looking for more possibilities. I  research a lot of films that will be appropriate for their age and level of emotional maturity. I would love new suggestions as I decide on future films for our Friday ritual. If any of you out there have favorite films you'd like to suggest I'd be very pleased to hear of them.

Summer Movies 2008

Summer Movies 2007

The summer of 2007 I introduced the girls to Disney! Snow White was scary for them that summer and we didn't watch it again for another year. I was also delighted to introduce Darby O'Gill, which is now a firm favorite. They were a little scared about the various scenes with the banshee, the pookah and the coach of death, but it was a great opportunity to share some of our Irish mythology with them. After explanations and reassurance they were less concerned about these scenes. I also love Happy Feet and our whole family went to see this in the cinema when it first came out. There is only one scary scene with a very frightening seal jumping out of the water to try and eat a penguin. It made us all jump in the cinema. I didn't understand why the animators had to make it so scary. A normalish looking seal in the act of being predator would have been enough! Oh, and Robin Hood led to lots of questions about why the King wanted to kill Robin and why all the poor people in England were treated so badly. I love how our Friday movies can generate big conversations about life.

Beauty and the Beast
Cinderella
Curious George
Darby O'Gill and the Little People
The Fox and the Hound
Happy Feet
The Jungle Book
Lady and the Tramp
The Little Mermaid
Pinocchio
Robin Hood
Sleeping Beauty
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
Toy Story
Toy Story 2 

This is very appropriate now that we have added to our family. I find that with the inevitable exhaustion that comes with the new baby I have been having trouble engaging with my daughters in the way I want to, have done in the past and continue to do so in my brain after I have missed the mark in actuality! My tiredness means that I am less tolerant and patient with the inevitable bickering that siblings naturally engage in. I forget that each child's has their own age related abilities and needs to be accepted for where they are developmentally.

In order to parent lovingly with confidence, consistency, awareness, acceptance, patience and tolerance I need to remember:

1. Ignore, ignore, ignore those behaviors I dislike.

2. Focus, focus, focus on each child's strengths.

3. Be patient with sibling bickering. Let them sort it out themselves and teach them the skills to do this as needed.

4. Be aware of age related abilities and maintain realistic expectations individual to each child.

It does help to have these simple (but not necessarily easy) guidelines to help me stay on track whatever I'm feeling, not matter how tired I am. I just need to remember the final guideline:

5. Practice, practice, practice with lots of self-forgiveness! 

Hosted by Barbara, here.

Hosted by Barbara, here.