Well I'm pleased to announce that we are once again growing our family. We are expecting our final family member/members (twins run in my family and we don't know yet how many we have!) around the end of July/start of August this year. So this is our final pregnancy. I'm mixed about that, but certainly leaning on the side of...whew! I'm once again looking forward to the third trimester, my favorite part of all my pregnancies when I have tons of energy to organize every last inch of my life, and anyone else's who'll let me. I'm already planning a project list for that time

I also love childbirth. Since giving birth to Ashley in 2002, I have come to think of childbirth as simultaneously the most humbling and most empowering moments of my life. This time around I am a little more anxious than I remember in the past. We have been so fortunate with three beautiful, healthy children. May it be so this time around too. Today I came across a website thanks to  The Frugal Girl. I discovered her blog a couple of days ago as I was researching yoghurt making online. Her site is just wonderful and very inspiring. Pop over and check her out. You can find her here . As I was reading her  previous entries I discover that she is a wonderful photographer and in the past had the very sad assignment of photographing her stillborn niece. A tragic situation and a gift to her sister-in-law who requested the photos. I learned from comments on her site that there is a volunteer organization of photographers that provide this service for free to families to aid in the grieving process. I was amazed and awed to discover this service, one I pray I will never need. As I spent time on their very discreet website I found myself moved beyond belief that the existence of this service. I can well imagine how this would be of some long term comfort to families. The site is called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep and you can find it here . Bring tissues

As for my own budding pregnancy, I am more exhausted than I remember being on any of my other children, but maybe that is because I have three other children!!! I will have myself tested for anemia next week. I have had difficulties with low iron on and off since childhood, which I have to pay attention to when pregnant. I'll be out of the first trimester by the end of this month and that should be a huge relief to my exhausted body. My mother-in-law Janet is here with right now as she prepares her new home (our old home) for occupancy sometime soon. I am enjoying the company and the help. Lots of dishwasher emptying, dropping the girls to school, picking them up, making lots of cups of tea and many other little tasks that help enormously. Thank you so much Janet.

Well, time to snuggle Ethan, who has just woken from his nap as I finish this. Just nine months old and unaware that he will soon be a big brother.

As I mentioned two weeks ago (here), my plan this year is to take one of the ten ethics that the Dalai Lama proposes in Ethics for a New Millennium and study one a month. I think it very apt that as I was reading another of his books, Healing Anger: The Power of Patience from a Buddhist Perspective, I found that he sees cultivating patience and tolerance as essential to developing one's potential for compassion or love. If I follow my plan to study an ethic a month then I shouldn't be looking at patience or tolerance until Spring! It is very buddhist that all things are interdependent and  so should come as no surprise that a linear and discrete examination of the ethics just won't be possible. What I will do is study whatever arises in the context of the particular ethic for the month. There! How's that for trying to tie this project up in a neat little package for my Western mind

When discussing patience and tolerance, the Dalai Lama points out that there are many degrees of patience and tolerance, starting from simple tolerance, such as being able to bear a certain amount of heat and cold. He adds that "since patience or tolerance comes from a certain ability to remain firm and steadfast, to not be overwhelmed by the adverse conditions that one faces, one should not see tolerance or patience as a sign of weakness, but rather as a sign of strength coming from a deep ability to remain steadfast and firm...We find that even in being able to tolerate a certain degree of physical hardship, like a hot or cold climate, our attitude makes a big difference. If we have the rationalization that tolerating immediate hardship can have longterm beneficial consequences, we are more likely to be able to tolerate everyday hardships. "

"Firm", "steadfast", "tolerating immediate hardship can have longterm beneficial consequences", "tolerate everyday hardships"...for me this immediately leads me to think about my parenting. I recall how Sal Severe, pediatrician and author of the popular parenting book, 'How to Behave So Your Preschooler Will Too!' wrote that the only thing parents are usually consistent about when parenting is being inconsistent. I try to think of this when a situation with any of my children requires being consistent. It certainly makes tolerating the immediate hardship of their displeasure a lot easier to remember that shaping their behavior is one of the responsibilities in parenting and will have longterm beneficial consequences.

What I'm starting to realize now from my current reading of the Dalai Lama is that I am challenged when it comes to tolerating some everyday hardships. Having given this a lot of thought these past two weeks I've come to see that I have become impatient with some aspects of my children's behavior that really is just a result of who they are. Yes I can work on shaping their behavior so that their expression of who they are is respectful of others around them, but it is vital that I recognize where I am being impatient with their behavior and where I am being impatient with their character. For example, I have one daughter who is very energetic, expressive and physical. On the positive side you always know what she is feeling and she is very lovingly tactile. Less positive is the intense expression of frustration, sadness, disappointment or anger, which can sometimes have a physical component to deal with. My other daughter is calm, deliberate and precise. On the positive side she thinks things through, is very creative and is quite relaxing to be around. Less positive is the intense quieter building of frustration, sadness, disappointment and anger. She is more verbally argumentative when upset and if pushed by her more energetic sister can be more deliberate in her physical retaliation.

With one daughter I can find myself intolerant of her energy and with the other I find myself intolerant of her verbosity. Amazingly, having thought about this these last couple of weeks is already leading to a shift. I am being more consistent about focusing on the negative behavior and nipping it in the bud and starting to appreciate their characters more. Long term I want them to feel good about who they are and shape the behavior they use to express themselves, particularly when they are upset. I've noticed that when I focus on them in this way I actually have more compassion for them when they are upset. I have a consistent strategy for the behavior and can more clearly see my child behind it. It makes it easier to love the child, even when I don't like the behavior, which is the really the point in parenting. I wonder where else in my life might I need to focus on being more patient and tolerant? The good news is I have a whole new year make these discoveries and to practice.

I've been studying the teachings and writings of the Dalai Lama, on and off since the start of 2006. One of my favorite books by him is Ethics for a New Millenium. In this book he discusses ten ethics that are worth cultivating: love, compassion, patience, tolerance, forgiveness, humility, contentment, responsibility, harmony and peace. For the last four years I have tried to be conscious of these as I live my life. Sometimes I have more success than at other times. Often in January, as I look at how I want to purposefully live my life in the year ahead, I will focus on certain aspects that I would like to give more conscious attention. Sometimes it is in the area of cooking, as in learning to make yoghurt or waffles or bread, or maybe it is a language to concentrate on.  For the last few years I have also looked at my parenting skills. One year I focused on the tone of voice I use with my children, another it was the volume! This year I thought about how I would like to play more with my children. As our family grows and we take on new responsibilities it can be easy to overlook the importance of just stopping to play and have some simple fun.

I also felt drawn to giving attention to each of the ethics in the Dalai Lama's list, by focusing on one a month. Immediately, my mind seized on compassion as the first one to contemplate and practice. I have learned over the years that I can focus too much on where things are not working or how I mess up as a parent. I am learning to balance that. Being compassionate with myself is essential and is the first step to feeling compassion for others.

As often happens when I decide to focus on something in particular, the universe offers up opportunities for me to practice. I guess I didn't count on my first opportunity coming so swiftly in the new year. As I made time to play with the children after their first day back at school today, I was caught off guard right in the middle of a fun, giggly game of Blind Man's Buff, with an act of sudden hurtful unkindness one of my children inflicted on another. My immediate response was intense anger. I have experienced this in the past (fortunately very seldomly) and it seems only to arise when one of my children truly physically hurts another with intent. I see red!

After the previous few times I have learned to temper my response. Yes, it was clear to my children that I was angry over what had happened and I managed to take the child aside and separate everyone, including myself, until at least I had calmed down. We dealt with the incident, moved on (I mostly moved on!) and with a few hours distance I think I handled it pretty well. What remained was the nasty after taste in my mouth and stomach from such a flair up of intense anger. It was several hours before I had completely let it go. I must add that this is an improvement too. Getting over an intense emotion used to take a lot longer.

As I read about compassion tonight I was struck by the passage above. It was a passage I had made note of in a study journal and as I read it again tonight I thought it fit very well with what I was experiencing tonight. Anger gives me energy when I am at a loss as to what else to do. I have learned distance gives me time to calm down, regain some rationality and look at options. Anger also blinds me as to what the child in question is experiencing and prevents me acting with empathy to discover causes. Anger physically leaves me sick to my stomach. And, when I feel it this strongly towards one of my own children, it leaves me rattled and humbled. I think about others who cross the line and physically hurt their children and there is a moment where I understand how a line can be crossed. But I see that line clearly and I choose not to cross it. At times I have to consciously choose it in the moment. I am grateful that I make the right choice each time and that, even in the heat of the moment, I can hold onto the part of my brain that knows that is a path I will not go down.

The Dalai Lama's teachings on compassion focus a lot on dealing with anger and hatred and removing them from our responses to the negative actions of others. When I thought about working through the ethics again this year I didn't think about this aspect. I was thinking more about empathy, which is not compassion but becomes possible as a result of compassion. I humbly express my gratitude to the universe for corrrecting me today on my error in thinking. I would prefer if the lesson was not as intense as this evening's experience, but perhaps I would not have paid attention and gotten the point so quickly otherwise. But I'm paying attention now as I continue my January's study of compassion. I trust the universe is listening.

From Favorite Food

In the final hour of 2009 I've been thinking about all the good food I've eaten this year and some of my food goals for the next one. I just finished playing with my new little buddies Yeast and Bacteria, prepping homemade waffles (center in above photo) and homemade yoghurt (right in above photo) for breakfast tomorrow.

This year I really wanted to try making yoghurt. It has been a little dream of mine since I lived in France when I was 17 years old. I au paired with a lovely family who made their own yoghurt which I thought was just about one of the best foods I had ever tasted. We would eat it from the little glass jars with a sprinkling of brown sugar stirred in. Divine! This summer I decided to take the plunge. I researched yoghurt making online and found some very informative sites. My first batch was a disaster. I placed my little jars to warm in the oven early in the day and they were to be removed late evening. I woke up next morning with the horrible realization that the jars were still in the oven. Aaagh! Batch number 2 was more successful. Ashley, Caitlin and I enjoyed eating our yoghurt from the little jars with the sprinkling of brown sugar stirred in. A beautiful moment, sharing a dream.

From Favorite Food

I have also wanted to learn how to make great waffles. Hot on the heels of yoghurt success, I bought a waffle iron and began. While I enjoyed the results I have yet to find a truly great recipe. So that's one of my goals this year. I'm starting the quest tonight with a recipe for Overnight Waffles from Mark Bittman's book How to Cook Everything (left in above photo). This recipe requires yeast, which has always been somewahat intimidating to me to use. I'm an Irish lass and our race loves baking soda. This year I will conquer my fear of these little fungi and this is my first step. The next is bread making. As I mentioned in my December reading list, I read Artisan Bread in 5 Minutes a Day and will be starting my bread making adventures in 2010. There are also some lovely pastries in there that I'm keen to tackle. I'll keep you updated on my progress.

My homemade waffles from Favorite Food

And speaking of pastries, I have to finish with a mention of a recipe that our cousin Kaysea sent to our family around Thanksgiving. Ashley, Caitlin and I have simply dubbed it "Kaysea's Pumpkin Cakes". It was a recipe for pumpkin cookies that Kaysea picked up at a winery and passed along to us. We really enjoyed making them and loved eating them even more. Our conclusion was that because they are soft like cake we just could not bring ourselves to call them cookies. So in our house they are cakes! Here are some photos of our results. Kaysea, thank you so much for the recipe. It has now joined our treasured recipes.

Kaysea's Pumpkin Cakes from Favorite Food

Close up of Kaysea's Pumpkin Cakes from Favorite Food

Even with baby number 3 I'm still finding time to read. 

January 2009 

1. Neal Stephenson: The Diamond Age
2. Cheryl Richardson: The Art of Extreme Self-Care
3. Luis Alberto Urrea: The Hummingbird's Daughter

February 2009

4. Adolfo Anaya: Bless Me Ultima
5. Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish: Siblings Without Rivalry
6. Barbara Kingsolver: Prodigal Summer
7. Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
8. Barbara Kingsolver: Animal, Vegetable, Miracle

March 2009

9. Barbara Kingsolver: Animal Dreams
10. John Steinbeck: Travels with Charley
11. Cecelia Ahern: The Gift
12. Elizabeth Soutter Schwarzer: Motherhood is not for Wimps
13. Richard Russo: Empire Falls

April 2009

14. Patrick Taylor: An Irish Country Doctor
15. Rory Stewart: The Spaces in Between
16. Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn: Everday Blessings-The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting

With the Arrival of Ethan in the middle of April my reading slowed down a little but what I've been reading I've been enjoying (except for Rory Stewart's The Spaces in Between). I found it a tedious read and felt that his presentation of the men of Afghanistan lacked dimension and I tired of all the testosterone and aggression that he described. He did not seem to truly penetrate this society of men on a personal level and it came across that he didn't really try. He is obviously well read but I felt he was showcasing this more than purely providing historical context. Most of our bookclub reported that they too didn't like it and many felt he was exploiting the people he wrote about.

May 2009

17. Matthew Pearl: The Dante Club
18. Michael Pollan: The Omnivore's Dilemma
19. Josie Bissett (Ed.): Little Bits of Wisdom: A Collection of Tips and Advice from Real Parents

June 2009

20. Michael Pollan: In Defense of Food
21. Harper Lee: To Kill a Mockingbird
22. Sal Severe: How to Behave So You're Preschooler Will Too!

July 2009

23. Tamora Pierce: Alanna The First Adventure
24. Juliette Fay: Shelter Me
25. Tim LaHaye & Jerry B. Jenkins: Left Behind
26. Tim LaHaye & Jerry B. Jenkins: Trubulation Force

August 2009

27. Tim LaHaye & Jerry B. Jenkins: Nicolae: the Rise of the Antichrist
28. Marc Weissbluth: Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child
29. Eric Fromm: The Art of Loving

September 2009

30. Tamora Pierce: In the Hand of the Goddess
31. Alan Bennett: An Uncommon Reader
32. Tamora Pierce: The Woman Who Rides Like a Man

October 2009

33. Tamora Pierce: Lioness Rampant
34. Alan Paton: Cry, the Beloved Country

November 2009

35. Linda Berdoll: Mr Darcy Takes a Wife
36. Tim LaHaye & Jerry B. Jenkins: Soul Harvest
37. Maria Doria Russell: The Sparrow

I'm absolutely loving Mr Darcy Takes a Wife. Usually I don't even consider sequels that are not written by the original author. However, a friend recommended this and based on her rave I took a chance. Wow! This is a racy sequel taking place after the wedding of Elizabeth Bennet and Mr Darcy. It is very readable, humorous at times and well written (though occasionaly overwritten and unnecesarily wordy). However I'm enjoying it immensely and forgiving of the writing flaws. Berdoll captures the characters from Austen's novel very well and continues the story in a very believable manner. As for Soul Harvest, I've been slowly working my way through this for a couple of months. I'm running out of steam with this series that started off really well.

I read The Sparrow for my book club and it was an interesting reading experience. I really liked the characters and the suspense. I wanted to know what happened to the characters when they traveled to the newly discovered inhabited planet. I felt drawn to the characters, interested in their lives and intereactions with each other. I really liked the main character of Father Emilio Sandoz, perhaps because he was an amazing linguist and I love languages. I was struck by how well the author portrayed his strength before and during the mission and the broken man and his slow recovery when he returned. Here is the interesting part, I currently have mixed feelings about the ending. It is obvious from the outset that something horrific happened on the mission. This is the mystery that provides the suspense throughout the whole book. After the mystery was revealed and the book ended, I felt that the revelation gave lots of food for thought as Father Santoz discusses it's impact on his faith with the other jesuit priests conducting the inquiry into what happened on the planet. At the same time I felt that the end was not worth the wait. I felt simultaneously that the final event was both imaginative and unimaginative. (I'm not able to quite define this any further yet, it is so recent for me.) Even aside from the debate it fosters about faith in God in the face of such tragedy and horror, there is a little part of me that disappointedly wonders, "what was the point?" There is a sequel to this book but when I came to the end I knew I didn't want to read it. This story was enough.

December 2009

38. Stephenie Meyer: Twilight
39. Nancy Stenson: Basic Irish Grammar
40. Edward Purdon: The Story of the Irish Language
41. Jeff Hertberg, M.D. and Zoë François: Artisan Bread in 5 Minutes a Day
42. Linda Berdoll: Darcy and Elizabeth Nights and Days of Pemberley
43. Julia Powell: Julie and Julia

It's the end of another year of reading. December has been a bumper month of good reading and inspiration for the New Year.

I decided to read Twilight this month just to get a feel for what all the hype around the series is about. I found the writing simple and compelling. I imagine I would have loved this series as a teenager (I was a huge Stephen King fan back then). While I was engrossed in the story by the end and could hardly put it down wanting to know the outcome, I don't think I'll read any more in the series. I see what the hype is about, it is strangely compelling. I do find the power play between Edward and Bella a little disturbing. He was very dominant over her at various points throughtout the book, as were some of the other male characters and she was consistently portrayed as clumsy and unable to take care of herself. I found that a little distrubing given that the audience for this book really is teenage girls.

I loved Basic Irish Grammar. A few events recently conspired to encourage me to delve back into my knowledge of Irish. It was intriguing to work through this book given that Irish is almost innate for me at this point. yes my ability to produce it is fading with lack of use, but as I read this book I realised that all of its contents are part of my knowledge base without me consciously understanding the details of the grammar structures themselves. Although Irish is not my mother tongue, learning it from the age of five has given it a presence in my brain similar to English. I can prduce the language but can't necessarily tell you how I construct what is produced, like I could for French or Japanese or even my little bit of Spanish. I loved that I could read this book as if I was reading an English grammar book. I had little dificulty reading all the Irish content (just some vocabulary here and there to look up in its glossary). It reassures me that my Irish isn't gone, it's just hibernating from lack of usse. I'm feeling inspired to approach Irish again int he way I have studied my other languages. I wonder what progress I could make with my new study methods that I'm finding so successful?

The Story of the Irish Language was a nice but brief little book. I enjoyed reading about the origins of Irish.

Artisan Bread in 5 Minutes a Day was a Christmas present from James. I know a couple of people who have been using this book and they have really liked the results (as have I when I've tasted their bread!). I read this from cover to cover in 2 days and can't wait to get started in the New Year. James also gave me a bkaing stone to go with it. I want ot get a pizza peel, an oven thermometerand a five quart plastic container that isn't airtight and I'll be away on my bread making adventure.

I am almost finished Darcy and Elizabeth and Julie and Julia. I decided that the first Berdoll sequel was fun enough to read the second sequel. Not as grreat as the first but I'm enjoying the read. She still maintains the character development of Darcy and Elizabeth in a believable fashion and I enjoy reading more about minor characters such as servants, but there is more repetition than I'd like and some tedious moments when I would just like to get back to the main action. I'm also getting tired of reading about Lydia, Elizabeth's moraless sister. I decided to read Julie and Julia before seeing the movie. I had to stop reaing it for a couple of days when I had a stomach virus because I couldn't even bring myself to read about food let alone eat any. I find my self loving the parts about Julai Childs and inspired to try some of Julia's recipes. I'm having mixed reactions to Julie. She comes across as a little to chaotic to me and somewhat disrespectful of her husband. Yet I admire her for taking on this cooking challenge.

From Christmas 2009

"The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree is the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other" -Burton Hills

This was Ethan's first Christmas, it was our first Christmas as a family of five and our first Christmas in our new home. We had a very quiet restful day enjoying each other, enjoying our gifts, reading, playing games and even squeezed in some Little House on the Prairie viewing. We missed Granddad and Grandma very much. We had thought they would be here this Christmas all settled into their new house (our old house). But it was not to be. Visa delays in Ireland mean possibly another few months wait. Sigh!

I love this last week of the year. It's the lull, the peace after all the preparations for Christmas and all the excited expectation of the day's arrival. It is usually a time for going slowly through the days, remembering the past year and thinking about the new one ahead. We've had lots of changes this year, which we weathered very well as a family. We have more excitement ahead in the new year but that is yet to come.

We are also recovering this week. Ashley, James and I were struck by a stomach virus, which was quite nasty, but now seems to be over. Caitlin had had it about 10 days ago. It took out 10 of the 26 children from her class just days before school broke for the holidays. It seems that this virus has been very active in Seattle this holiday season.  Well, we've had it and it's over. It was such a relief this morning to wake up and actually feel good. Given that James and I were sick at the same time, it was certainly a challenge trying to care for our little ones. But we did it, and Ashley and Caitlin were very helpful. My only wish now is that Ethan be spared. In the grand scheme of things I'm very grateful. This is the first time I'm been sick this Autumn/Winter season. For the last 3 years, the start of the school year has left me sick and exhausted. This year I had a plan: starting in August before school started I introduced lots of vitamin C, garlic, ginger and hand sanitizer. We also enforced better handwashing/sanitizing in our house and it all seems to have done the trick.

As we approach 2010, I am pleased we are healthy again. We are settling into our new home, and this January, James and I celebrate a decade in America. Ten years that simulataneously have flown by and not gone very fast at all. We love it here in Seattle. We have each other, our beautiful children and look forward to additions to the extended family in the coming year.

Backward, turn backward, O Time, in your flight
Make me a child again just for to-night!
-Elizabeth Akers Allen

A couple of weeks later here they are, photos from Halloween. At the moment our family is enjoying Laura Ingalls Wilder's Little House on the Prairie. We've been watching the TV series together on DVDs from Netflix and we are loving them. As a boy, and possibly having two brothers and no sisters, James didn't read the books or watch the series. He seemed somewhat indifferent when the first DVD arrived. We watched a few episodes as a family and then, while James was working on his computer one afternoon I mentioned that the girls and I were going to watch an episode. He stopped typing, paused and then looked at me and said, "if you wait five minutes I'll join you." And with that we knew he was hooked!

That was the birth of our family's plan to dress up as the Ingalls. I had so much fun making Ashley's and Caitlin's costumes, and they had fun including Ethan. They insisted that he should be the little sister Carrie. We shall see how many years Ethan will be subjected to his sister's whims.

This year the girls learned about the Switch Witch from a friend. She flies around on Halloween night looking for candy. If you leave candy for her she switches it for a gift. Ashley and Caitlin eagerly sorted through their candy and left some in the their pumpkin buckets overnight on the back deck. Lo and behold the next morning the candy was gone and each girl received a pair of gloves and a beanie baby ghost in exchange.

Click on the link below to see other photos from Halloween, which started with Trick-or-Treating at James' office, continued on our new block and finished on our old block.

Halloween 2009

I've just had a very inspiring Scrapbook gathering at my house this morning. Everytime I gather with likeminded women I come away fueled with ideas that I can't wait to apply to what I'm doing. Today I had the added bonus of getting to know a woman whose daughter is in Caitlin's Kindergarten class. She too keeps a blog. She uses Word Press on her Mac and Adobe Lightroom 2 to organize and edit her photos. I had an interesting conversation with her and Barb, who uses Memory Manager by Creative Memories to store her photos on her PC. I use Picassa on my PC but I'm considering moving to a Mac. We discussed storing photos, digital scrapbooking and then using blogs to capture the little moments in life.

I came away from the conversation inspired to rethink how I'm using (or not using) my blog. This other woman shared with me how she manages to incorporate writing blog entries into her busy day with two children and a part-time profession outside her home. I still think of blogging as journaling. I often want to spend a lot of time crafting my entry, thinking about the content in a very reflective manner. And then I want to add photos or images. Life with three children does not facilitate that kind of entry on a regular basis, not if I want to spend time with my children, my husband, getting things done around the house or engaging in activites like spending time with friends, reading, scrapbooking, sewing, attending field trips or school activities or petitioning school boards

She keeps her laptop in her kitchen, with her blog open and writes in frequent short bursts throughout the day when she has a few moments. She doesn't add photos immediately because she wants to get the text down and out to share with family and friends. Sometimes she adds links to photos in a web album if she has them uploaded but no time to extract an image to add to her blog.

So today I have an entry here. I miss my blog. I miss capturing the day to day moments and interactions that add up to our life. I miss keeping a record here of how the children are developing. I'll see what evolves. In the meantime:

Ethan is sleeping nearly 12 hours at night, has some wake ups during that time some nights. With daylight savings he has been awake earlier this week and we are trying to help him adjust bit by bit dragging out the time he gets his morning feed. James has now taken over seeing to Ethan during then night. He gets upset if I interact with him. He probably associates me too much with food!

He started bopping his head this week. I bought Sting's new Winter album at the weekend and Ethan seems to have started bopping to that. Then yesterday my friend Rosemary came around to watch him while I caught up on a few things here. Ethan has a musical worm and Rosemary informed me that when he held it sitting in his little chair she enjoyed watching him bop his head to the music. Definitely has his daddy's genes.

And this week he is pushing himself backwards more as he attempts to go forward. I love thinking back of Ashley and Caitlin at this stage and how frustrated they would get at going in the opposite direction to their intention. He's also rolling around more as a means to get where he wants to go.

He loves holding his little plastic spoons, even when he's not eating. He took one trick-or-treating. I didn't even notice he was still holdng it until we were out on the street. (He's getting better at holding things he likes for longer periods too!)

And the joy he experiences around his sisters is just a delight to witness. Ashley plays with him gently, will often escalate the pitch of her voice with lots of arm waving and make him giggle. In the car she closes her eyes and rests her head on her shoulder and then "wakes up" and say something cheery like "hello Ethan" causing him to emit a burst of laughter that makes me melt as I drive. They will engage like this over and over, neither running out of steam. Caitlin is still more energetic loves to jump on him and pull a limb, whether he is lying down or in my arms. She'll then loundly say something like, Boo! or "Ethan, Ethan" and he will just chortle away every time. I try to ask her to be gentler with him but it's hard to convince her when Ethan is so obviously loving the "game". Ethan is a very lucky little boy to have such entertaining sisters.

Well time to go get him, he's been sliding around backwards on the hardwood floor in his sleeper suit. He's gone behind the kitchen counter where I can no longer see him. Time to take a peek and see what he's up to.

Here we are. We are not lost.

It feels good to be back writing a post for my blog after so long. I've missed it. So, the reason for so much silence this summer:

Our New Home

We've been looking for a new house since Ethan was born, wanting to stay in our area, near our wonderful community of friends and neighbors and close to our excellent school. While James' parents were visiting for Ethan's birth they offered to buy our house and move over from Ireland. We were thrilled to have them in Seattle and wanted the new house to be near them too. In June I saw this large craftsman-style house under construction three blocks from our old house and the excitement started. We spent the better part of July negotiating the sale and packing, and then finally moved in mid-August.

Ethan helping with the laundry in our new house

With Ethan's presence being so new, and anticipating the start of a new school year with Caitlin starting Kindergarten and Ashley entering second grade, I wanted to be as settled as possible before September. James and I have nearly all our boxes unpacked (only his office left as he's in thinking and planning mode at the moment) and we've even hung our favorite pieces of art. We still have some furniture to buy but already it feels like we've been here longer than the two months it really is.

School is in full swing again. September has been survived and also, surprisingly enough, enjoyed in many parts. The start of the year is always been rough as the girls adjust to a new school year and build up their tolerance to exhausting long days. With Caitlin starting Kindergarten, the shift to full days was challenging but she did really well. She's practically an old pro now, having two years of experience watching Ashley navigate elementary school.

Caitlin and Ashley on the First Day of School 2009

James and Ethan returnng from drop off on the first day of school

An so October is here and we anticipate Grandma and Granddad arriving from Ireland, hopefully soon. The departure date from Ireland continually shifts as they handle the sale of their house in Dublin and brave the immigration process as Ian endeavours to get his green card sorted out. Being married 40+ years to an American citizen doesn't make the process go any quicker unfortunately.

The holiday season is ramping up here in the States. Halloween this month (oh, how I miss bonfires), Thanksgiving next month (and we have much to be thankful for this year) and then Christmas in December. We sure hope Ian and Janet can join us for some of the fun to come.

It feels good to move from surviving to celebrating. And it's great to be back. 

Exhibit A: Blue Ballerina

Exhibit B: Yellow Hampster

It was 8:40am and I felt like I’d just help negotiate world peace.

Parties Involved: Ashley, Caitlin, Eliza and Moi

Issue on the Table: Who should own the ballerina cake top?

Background Information: Ashley went out with Pauline yesterday evening to celebrate her birthday. Part of the celebration involved going for a birthday cupcake with aforementioned ballerina residing on said birthday cupcake. Ashley chose two more ballerinas to bring home. One for Caitlin and one for Eliza (who was having a sleepover). Ashley’s ballerina was blue and the other two she chose for Caitlin and Eliza were pink “so that they wouldn’t fight over them" [Note: future World Peace Negotiator in the making-it must be in the genes!] When Ashley returned home and proffered her gifts, Caitlin and Eliza were under excited about the prospect of having the same toy.

Pivotal Moment: Ashley gave her blue ballerina to Eliza [Future Mother Teresa in the making. Unless she plans on taking vows, I hope not for her sake.]

All was right in their little world of pink and blue ballerinas. Until this morning…

Essence of Dispute: Eliza traded the blue ballerina to Caitlin. Having the ballerina return to our family’s possession without Ashley being the possessor was too much for Ashley to bear.

Result #1: Copious tears of older sister at breakfast followed by forceful removal of blue ballerina from younger sisters hand by said older sister.

What this Means: World War III had officially begun.

Factors Indicating Possible Successful Outcome of Situation: World class negotiator on site and all parties willing to come back to the (breakfast) table to talk with only minor coaxing.

Essence of the Recantangular Table Talks: Each party shared their version of what took place (as outlined in sections: Background Information, Pivotal Moment and Essence of Dispute) . Each party offered suggestions for resolution:
Ashley’s suggestion: “I keep the blue ballerina”.
Caitlin’s suggestion: “I keep the blue ballerina”.
Eliza’s suggestion: “Because you are in the same family you could both share the blue and the pink ballerina.” [Note: Unknowingly, this third party just became the chief negotiator’s ally!]

Points of Clarity Offered by Chief Negotiator:
Ashley gave away the blue ballerina although she really wanted to keep it. Ashley was being very generous and at the same time not honoring what she really wanted. This is not the first time a large act of generosity at expense of her strong desires has resulted in heartbreak for Ashley.

Caitlin is a caring and generous sister. When she has time to think about a situation like this she will often show compassion for her sister’s feelings and forgiveness of the mistake Ashley made in decision making.

At this point negotiations stalled!!!

Emergency Action Taken by Chief Negotiator: Private talk requested with Caitlin. Attempts were made to elicit empathy for Ashley’s situation.

Surprising Discovery: In attempts to put herself in her sister’s position Caitlin showed remarkable powers of deduction and completely changed the direction of negotiations. Chief Negotiator left in awe. Caitlin reminded Ashley that many, many, many moons ago and not forgotten, an almost mirror image of the current dispute took place with Caitlin as the injured party. Caitlin very generously gave her yellow take-a-part-eraser hampster to Isabella. Later Isabella traded the yellow hampster to Ashley. Having the hampster return to our family’s possession without Caitlin being the possessor was too much for Caitlin to bear.

Outcome of Previous Mirror Image Scenario: Caitlin had to live with her decision despite the deep regret which she has regularly brought to the table since. Caitlin’s experience had previously been used as a model for both giving more thought before giving away treasured items and living with regret.

At this point negotiations had reached a lull. All parties had at this point moved to the bottom of the stairs where everyone sat and quietly contemplated the situation.

New Proposal: Caitlin offered the possible solution that Ashley trade her the yellow hampster for the blue ballerina. (Sheer brilliance of problem solving on her part and the possibility of resolving two deeply felt problems in one fell swoop.)

Outcome of Proposal: Ashley thought about the situation for all of 30 seconds. Take-apart-erasers being the equivalent of gold in her trading world, Caitlin’s offer was rejected.

Conclusion: Approximately 5 seconds after the rejection of Caitlin’s offer, Caitlin and Eliza suggested that they all go play with the ballerinas instead of talking about them. Ashley shrugged and said “sure”. Everyone  squealed in delight and ran happily upstairs to play.

Negotiators Closing Remarks: While neither the blue ballerina, nor the yellow hampster, returned to the original owners, all parties seem to have accepted the final result. While the blue ballerina will likely be a transient issue, it is possible that the much deeper held resentments over the yellow hampster may have been resolved today. It is felt progress was made. Transient issues will inevitably crop up but when a much deeper animosity is finally chipped away at then it is a good day for World Peace (at least in our little world!).

The other evening I was sitting on the bathroom floor with Ethan in his baby bath. Ashley and Caitlin had already taken their baths. Caitlin and Ashley helped bathe Ethan but Caitlin soon lost interest and wandered off to play. As Ashley and I sat on the floor both bathing and playing with Ethan we heard Caitlin run past the open bathroom door and then we heard a thud. With my peripheral vision I saw Caitlin cross back past the door and a few moments later she ran by again and again we heard a thud. This continued another couple of times and finally curiosity led me to the following little exchange:

Me: "Caitlin, what are you doing?"

Caitlin: "Trying to fly."

Me: "How's that working out for you?"

Caitlin: "Not very well."

Caitlin then stopped at the doorway for a moment, using both hands to smooth out her ruffled hair, she smiled at me and then walked out of sight. Two seconds later I heard her dash past the door again and once again heard that thud. Ashley and I just looked at each other and grinned. 

Hosted by Barbara, here.

Hosted by Barbara, here.

Have you ever had one of those days when you realize that there is zero glamour in your job? This afternoon, snuggling in the sun on the sofa with Ethan, nursing him and preparing him for his late afternoon nap, Ethan made the familiar bodily sounds that indicate time to quickly change his nappy. Before I picked him up I checked the nappy openings on each leg to make sure that all was contained. Feeling confident of containment I lifted him up from my lap, head cradled in one arm and feet in the other. As I lay him in his bassinet to change him I felt something drip on my foot. Surprised I looked down. Those of you with any knowledge of the bowel movements of 3 month olds will be aware that defecation is a very liquid affair. Sure enough I’d received my own personal badge of courage right on my instep. I had neglected to contain the escape route at the waist! I quickly reached for some wipes for a fast cleanup before dealing with Ethan. As I cleaned my foot and wiped my stain-resistant khakis (thank goodness for REI) I thought about how I should wear a little black number on a regular basis, with something sparkly to liven it up. Otherwise there is no glamour here. Just then I looked at two very sparkly blue gems shining up at me. My trousers and foot were forgotten for the moment, and I knew. This is my treasure.

Ethan always looks this happy when I place him in the bassinet to change his nappy.

Hosted by Barbara, here.

Following my review of August Rush yesterday I thought it would be fun to share some images of Ashley discovering the guitar. Last summer we went to a birthday party where our friend Christian brought his guitar. We had a great time listening to him play and singing Beattles songs with him. He gave Ashley some pointers and generously let her play with his guitar (remember she was only five at the time). Well she was overjoyed and played for such a long time, discovering the sounds she could create. Although we had heard Christian play his guitar before this was the occassion where it clicked for her. Since then she has talked about getting a guitar consistently enough that this year at the Solstice Festival in Fremont we bought her and Caitlin small children's guitars. The girls love them.

Watching August Rush last week has really inspired her and we are now thinking of signing her up for lessons. We've known for a couple of years that she is very musical and seems to have a great deal of natural ability. She also has a beautiful voice (which you can read more about here). We have hestitated to sign her up for anything until now, thinking she was a little young. But we think she's ready and more importantly, so does she :) Watch this space...

 Some images of Ashley and her music:

A collage I created of Ashley discovering the guitar with Christian (created using Creative Memories StoryBook Creator Plus, a package I thoroughly enjoy using for creating digital scrapbooks...and now collages)

Ashley's guitar blister following her session with Christian last summer

Ashley and Caitlin with their new guitars (and cases) and their new dresses from Grandma. All purchased at the Solstice Festival in Fremont last month.

Ashley's first drum lesson with Christian August 2003 (age 1yr)

Ashley's first piano lesson with Christian March 2003 (age 7mths)

A few months back James and I watched a film called August Rush. We loved the story about a young boy who hears music all around him and believes that if he follows the music it will lead him to his parents from whom he was separated as a baby. He runs away from the boys’ home where he grew up and heads to New York where alone and penniless he discovers his genius for music.

As soon as the film ended we both thought that the story would appeal to the girls. We hesitated these last few months because there are some potentially distressing aspects for the children. However, we finally decided to watch it with them last weekend. We had to give them a summary of the movie before hand so that they knew all would turn out well. We also had to pause the film at various times throughout to help explain some of the plot details to them. They really enjoyed the film and were very inspired by the August’s musical talent. A great deal of this talent revolves around guitar playing (though his genius involves all music). We felt that this was the part that they would strongly connect with because guitar playing has been an interest for them for a while now. Last summer Ashley discovered a great deal about guitar playing from our friend Christian and during the Solstice festival here in Seattle last month we bought both girls little starter guitars to just play around with. As we watched it was obvious that both Ashley and Caitlin loved the inspiring story but Ashley was completely entranced by August and his talent.  She pulled out her little guitar and strummed and tapped along to the film. We are now thinking of signing the girls up for lessons. We think lessons would probably be more appropriate for Ashley given her age and attention span but Caitlin is interested too. So we are considering just signing them both up and seeing what happens.

(Spoiler alert!)
Back to the film’s content and how to judge the appropriateness for your own children or children you might view it with.

Firstly, although Ashley is six and Caitlin is five, they both know the basic facts of life. So although they don’t see any sex in the film they understand that August’s parents made a baby the one night they spent together in New York when they were drawn together by music.

Secondly, because of various fairy tales we’ve encountered, we have discussed the theme of some parents not wanting their children to do certain things or marry certain people. We discuss how: parents want the best for their children; some parents can feel that some activities or some people are not going to be the best for their children; sometimes these parents try to prevent their children for doing the thing or marrying the person. In this story August’s mother is a talented Julliard graduate who plays the cello and his father is a talented guitar player/singer in a band. August’s grandfather separates Augusts parents and then, following an accident in late pregnancy, tells his daughter the baby died and puts August up for adoption fearing a baby would prevent her from achieving her full potential. Also, August’s father doesn’t even know he exists.

Thirdly, Robin William plays a Fagan-like character (from Oliver Twist) who is himself a musician and takes August under his wing. He teaches him all he knows about music while allowing him to stay at the condemned theatre he controls, where other musical homeless children live and work for him busking on the streets of New York. He seems fond of August but ultimately is mean and somewhat menacing and wants to exploit August’s talent. If your children are familiar with Disney movies they will already have come across villains from whom the hero of the story eventually escapes or ultimately defeats. This is a good opportunity to discuss tricky people with children.

Okay, so lots of heavy life drama here and you may be wondering how this can be appropriate for young children. Well, you have to watch it first yourself to realize that a lot of this plot is very deftly presented. Its presentation may be confusing to children who probably won’t really understand, which is the perfect time to give them very simple but truthful explanations like some I described above. The music is so inspiring, and August’s search to unite his family so captivating, that this is what our girls really focused on.

I recommend that you watch this film first if you want younger children to see it and decide if it’s right for your family. Even if this wouldn’t work for your younger children, be prepared to be inspired yourself.

I don't get the opportunity to hang out with friends much these days. Whenever the girls are off from school it is harder to get good quality adult time with other grown-ups. Today the stars aligned (as did the sun following three grey days here in Seattle). I had a lovely time catching up with Pauline while she caught up on snuggle time with Ethan. And yes, it was as wonderful as it looks!

I just popped over to catch up on what’s happening with Chris at Notes From the Trenches and seems that at the moment we are living parallel lives. Only a few hours ago my 5yr old daughter drew a little picture of me, wrote "Mum" underneath, followed by the letters COUMNK in her best five year old writing. She then scribbled out the picture and told me her writing said "Mum I hate you". I could really share Chris’s pain. Actually, inside I laughed it off, empathized that she seemed really mad and encouraged her to tear it up and stomp all over it. She still was mad but then asked, "Can I go out to play?" I told her yes and she headed for the stairs. From the top she breezily called back to me, "I guess it didn't say I hate you" and smiled. All I could do was smile back and say, "I love you too." Do you think it will all sort itself out this easily a decade from now??? I live in hope. After seeing Chris’s post I wish now I'd taken a picture of the hate note  too...

This was the quotation on the anniversary card that I received from James this week. I've included the image on the card too because I love it and I was so pleased to receive this. James knows me so well! I try to live my life with a vision of what is important overall and then use this to decide where to focus my energies on a daily basis. Some days I'm more successful than others and that is Life. I also find that over time the vision changes, mostly in subtle ways, but sometimes we are faced with moments when we have to look at our vision and make decisions that have a greater impact on our lives either because the vision is clearer or has drastically changed and now we must act accordingly in the present. Like when James and I made the decision to have Ethan. We had always had a vision of three children but for various reasons we left a long gap after Caitlin and finally felt compelled to decide whether to go ahead with a third child or just stop. Our vision informed our decision. We see ourselves older with more than two grown children around us. So now we have Ethan. The quality of what that life is like in our vision is what dictates how we parent and how we live our lives now. We don't always agree and some of the finer details of the vision require tweaking over the years to come. But with a core idea of where we're going, we are more likely to get there. Ironing out the details will be part of the day to day fun we'll have with our growing family over the coming years.

Image Credit: www.amberlotus.com

While snuggling in bed with Ashley the other night, she pointed to a tiny little bruise on my left thigh and asked what it was. As I looked at the little bruise I felt a rush of delight. I hadn’t noticed it and haven’t seen one for a few weeks. It’s what I call a “baby bruise”. These little bruises have appeared on my thighs with each of my children during their babyhood. As I lie curled up in bed nursing, each of my children has curled up beside me and pressed their little toes into my thighs. It is the “big” toe on their tiny feet that leaves the sweetest little bruises a body has ever received. Ashley was thrilled to learn of these. As she pressed her bigger big toe into my thighs to see if she could create similar bruises I had to explain that her toes are no longer small enough to poke in a way that leaves those tiny bruises. Her toes are bigger now and the pressure more diffuse across their surfaces. My children's ability to make these treasured bruises may pass but the memory of their fleeting existence remains.

I love the dawn. Having a new infant in our bed these last couple of months has meant that I am experiencing the dawn a lot more again. And I am grateful. As I lie in bed and nurse Ethan I listen to the birds welcome the day and I watch the light change in the room as the sun slowly creeps across the ceiling. I think about how I will miss this when he is older, as I did when these dawn feedings ended with Ashley and Caitlin.

When James and I decided to share our bed with our babies way back in 2002 when Ashley was born I hadn’t realized that it would have such a huge impact on our parenting, form the reduction in sleep disturbance to the opportunities to strongly bond with our babies during the night. Having our babies in our bed for nighttime nursing means merely adjusting the baby beside me so that s/he can latch on. In the first few weeks with Ethan I repeated the process: I changed nappies and burped him until night time poos ended and he could comfortably go back to sleep without being burped. After that when I set up the latch for nursing I usually just doze off again and then readjust when he finishes nursing. Of course the sleep deprivation is huge the first few weeks. But whatever sleep deprivation we experienced was minimized by not needing to climb out of bed to retrieve a crying infant, carry out the nighttime feeding and changing ritual, and then resettle the baby and ourselves.

This time around James and I agreed before we decided to have Ethan that I would take over the all the nighttime care. James shared the load with Ashley and Caitlin, but for him the effects of sleep deprivation are almost instantly in evidence, while it takes a lot longer for me to experience them. We figured that James needs to function during the day to hold down his job and that I could catch up on sleep with naps while the girls were at school in the mornings, and at weekends when James is home. And this we sort of stuck to before the final week of school and this first couple of weeks of school vacation. We will have to reassess how I catch up on my naps now that the girls are home 24/7.

As well as reducing the nighttime disturbance, sharing our bed with Ethan means that on those mornings when I finish nursing at the break of day, and Ethan has woken from his sleep, I enjoy the experiencing of lying there with him, gazing calmly into his eyes while I gently stroke his head and watch him quietly drift off back to sleep. His softness, the stillness, the sound of his breathing echoed in James breathing beside him, and the knowledge of our girls in the next room, adds to a sense of connection with my family that words cannot begin to describe. These dawn moments will eventually end but not yet. Not yet.

Related Post:

On the Plus Side is the Dawn